I Will Be, Someday

"What do you think about future?".
"Something that we dont know?".
"Are you worried about your future?".
"Isnt everyone?".

I opened my eyes this morning with a bunch of questions and quotes. Yh, I felt a lil bit older than my age. Isnt everyone worried about their future or at least whats gonna happen with them in the next 5 min? And do they wake up every morning wondering about it like me? Like, what I did this morning?

"Is my future husband really out there? At the grocery? Gym?"
"Are my kids gonna be like me? What if they turn out weepy and crazy?"
"Is my dreamjob gonna be a dream come true? Or is it always gonna be a dream at night?"
"Is my future boyfriend in this meeting room with me too? Or is he in the parking lot?"

And etc, literally there's too many of them. I cant seem to have the answer for each of them because I have no idea at all and -because I'm 16- I feel so bad, stupid, and wacky for not being able to answer them. Because, again, at school, when you cant answer the test you'll feel like a piece of crap sitting there for nothing. Unfortunately, still happens to me.

I just graduated from highschool a month ago -I'm on a 2-month-heaven-holiday-, and I still have this childish and sharp-asker mind. Things I see on movies or things I read on books and people's lifes really get my excitement to ask. Which is prob something that I shouldnt embrace right now. But I cant help. I'm curious. I'm curious about my future and what's gonna happen to me. Is that too much to ask?

I always want to be a busy woman. In a good way. A smart stylish career woman who wears a pair of Jimmy Choo and Bottega Veneta bag. Drive anywhere myself, buy my own car -or cars-, garden party, fashion line launchings, chic work room with a set of fluffy sofa, a trip to Europe for holiday -or Maldives, anyone?-... Who'd refuse all that? Seriously, I'd call that a life. Well, at least for now, as my brain is still rolling like a 12 years old. I always want to be a writer too. Yeah, it's crystal clear that people dont see anything writer-like in me. But heck, I dont care. I will find them in a line, waiting for me to sign their books.

I will be a writer someday. It's just not now, maybe.

And really, sometimes you just dont have to force the stream. I mean, I know it's nonsense but if you're like me, you think too much about future and stuff, sometimes you just have to go with it. Be friend with it. Love it. Love what you have. It'd be quite a boring phase but trust me, life is full of surprise. Wait for your turn :)