Another free blogging in an inappropriate time. I’ll have a
Telco Network midterm exam tomorrow but this comes to mind so I decided to
write this down first.
I’ll be quick.
Time goes by too fast. Some other day not too long ago some
friends of mum and dad said that I’d be soon graduated when they were told
about what semester/year I was currently in. Said that my parents would also
soon be the parents in law. And all that. And then now, just now, I realized
the cold fact that it’s all true (partly, not about the parents in law thing).
I reminisced the old days, about friends, the campus building, the cafetarias,
the silly crushes talks, the photos, the events, the “what happened in those
event”s, the apartment I was once in, the lunches, the late driving because of
some late meetings, everything... Hell, I’m in my second year of uni, fifth
semester. 3 more semesters and I’ll be supposedly done.
I gradually and clearly remember how I spent my uni
orientation. I stayed for a couple of nights in Yusrina’s house. Her mother was
really pretty and nice. We were not allowed to drive any kind of vehicles nor
bring a single piece of money so we hid it in our socks. I still remember how I
made my way through all those freshman year moments, crazy stuffs but fun. I turnt 17 not so long after the
orientation. I had so many good friends coming to my house in a rainy night all
the way uphill (yes Setiabudi, my house ladies and gents), just for me. I was... well
that was actually one of the good gold times I’ve ever had in my life.
To reminisce that, I get a bit shed of... loss. Those
moments, those people... where are they now? No, not literally. I meet them
frequently in campus and classes and God, they’re still as nice as they were
and they will always be. But I guess... we all just have our own wolrd to
revolve around, right? I have mine too. They have theirs. The memories remain.
Very clear, up until now.
Enough about the past, now... the future. I cant say much.
The clock is ticking and I’ll be forced to get back on my books again. But
future, fuck knows what’s gonna happen. As thats what I threw out many many
years ago in highschool. Exactly the same sentence, or word arrangement. I said
it. I dont know. I dont wanna mess with the future, or what’s been called as
the thing humans will never ever figure out. Nothing makes sense now, but it
will when you see it backwards.
Future... my life. To be very honest, I was one of those
people who would wear her worn out knit sweater in her room in a rainy Sunday
with a warm cup of bitter coffee asking herself “what am I gonna do with my
life?”. Everything about growing up, being old, being anything-independent,
being wiser, tempt me. Yet also scare me to the point of depression. The
uncertainties, the rough wake-up calls, rejections... they scare me. I am
scared, of the future. Like any other teens in that phase. I am with you. And I
feel you.
