Sunday, December 14, 2014

Not impossible, but unthinkable

The human mind has a primitive ego defense mechanism tat negates all realities that produce too much stress for the brain to handle it.
It is called a denial.
It's very human.
Without it, we all would wake up terrified every morning about all the ways we could die.
Instead, our minds block out our existential fears by focusing on stresses we can handle.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Ramadan, Internship, Election Week, Menstrual Pain, and etc

So! What's up?

Just an update of a little bit of everything.
It's a beautiful Monday over here where I live. Drove my sister to school while the brother got sick at home so he needed some rest. A crazy highschooler with a racing bike with loud ears-piercing noise cut the lane just like that in a blink in front of me and there went my honk noise blaring in the morning road. It was pretty interesting. He was probably late for school. Or just plain empty-headed. Depending who you're asking.

Intership was okay. Not fantastic, not sucky either (I mean, a lot of my friends had it worse than I did). It was getting kinda boring sometimes too so I made this.
Bought packs of stickers the day before. Ta-dah.
Earlier last week, was an election week. The craze was everywhere, the euphoria filled the entire nation. Two candidates and people made a big fuss about it to the point of conflicts during work. Like, literally.
Some newspaper I read said a company applied a term that none of its workers talk about politics ever during work. Guess that should apply here, at my place of internship. I was placed in the same room with all-women. And most of us were a pro (definite pros) of the candidate number 1 (hi Mr. Prabowo, salute!) and there was this woman who was a fanatic pro of number 2. She took it to another level for defending her favorite candidate to the point of insulting us others and got horribly upset when her fave got critized. That happened.

 I'm always a big fan of history. Including my own place's. I used to have a road trip or plane trip or any kind of trip on a vacation where my dad would tell me all the stories about my country. From the history, to the folklores. He knew everything. Not to mention he reads, a lot. I guess that passed down to his daughter, I read, a lot too. That being said, I got all of my supporting informations needed to make a decision on who to vote on this presidential election from a wide range of sources, credible ones. I got pretty bothered with all the fuss people made on defending their candidates and I'm saying this so you know how to talk to me. This, once and for all. Not insulting others and rubbing it on everyones face. Grow up, educate yourselves, you were degrading yourself to the ground level, stop it. The fusses made clearly went to another level everywhere, medias. TV channels taking sides and newspapers being not neutral. Social medias, was the most severe. If happened to be noticed, I might not be seen on any of my socmeds a lot during that week, yes, I had to quit enjoying my socmed addictions due to it not being enjoyable anymore and I didnt want to participate. It was like, a childish war over whose drawing was better.


Moving on, I made some accidental visits to places that were kinda new to me. I'm gonna put that on separated posts later. I think I got time to do that now since I had nothing else better to do in my office.


Last week, on Friday, I had to come home earlier from the office due to my severe menstrual pain. Like, I literally could not sit straight and had to wear my jacket to keep myself warm. I was slouching in my chair and desk while typing on some work. The women in my room got so worried and concerned and said I looked pale so they insisted me to just go home and rest. When suddenly someone came up with this question, do you drive?
yes she drives a car
can you even drive?
would you be able to drive well later? oh dear.
Where's your house?
Oh dear! Setiabudi is dang far from here
I second-thought my plan of going home, she was right. Could I?
And then followed, this came out in the room out of absolutely nowhere, where do you go home? setiabudi? oh thats far and trafficked. do you want someone to drive you home? do you have a boyfriend? oh dear have a boyfriend! so you can call him at times like this! do you have one? call him! ask him to pick you up. 

Believe me, it sounded funnier in Bahasa.


 I just laughed and slowly excused myself. Yeah right, even if I had one here in the same city I'd probably not and not ever call him just to pick me up and drive me home while I'm struggling with the soul-wrenching pain from the tummy. Nah, I still can make my way home. Well, even with a lot of chill cold sweats and the urge to cry over the pain. I'm tough! I did it!

But following the incident, I literally and really was unable to move. The pain lasted for nearly three days long and for the two first days I had to keep laying on something. Eating, brought my food to the warm couch and laid there while eating. Watching TV, laid in a blanket and lots of pillows. Anything else just being done in my bed. The third day, I could walk but very gently. I managed to go outside but mum drove me. Even my walking looked like a pregnant woman. No kidding.

Today is the fourth day and I still have to walk slowly, gently. Oh and Ruby (my car, I named it. I mean who doesnt?) is so dirty. I'd probably have to wash my car as soon as I get home later. But it rained a lot. But it's dirty and I cant stand dirty cars, but I also would prob get pissed when it rains again on my newly-washed car, you see my problem?



The post got too long I think I'm gonna have to end it up here. Moving on to another post!

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Staying in on a saturday night

Wait, how long have I blatantly abandoned you again, blog? Last time I wrote was probably last year.

I'm just in my bed all covered up in my blankie and snuggly to my pillows on a saturday night, that's if you wanna know. I'm not complaining, dont take me wrong you guys. I'm more of a stay-at-home person and saturday nights have no more values than the other nights to me, but let me tell you this; I am bored quite terribly.

How so? I dont even know. Oh what do I know lately. The day was nice and relaxing actually. On a rundown-ish form it would be like this:

1. Woke up real early. Fresh air. Birds chirping. Fed my pet fishes and turtles. Stretched real nice I felt like my soul had left my body.
2. Poppy (my new pet, a bird, gender's yet identified but let's just call it Poppy), started to get used to its name. It chirped back when we called her name. cute.
3. Breakfast with the entire family at our backyard. Filled with laughter and all, it was warm. I guess I had been pretty busy just to have that moment anymore lately.
4. Movie marathon with my sister while eating the cheesecake I bought from Cizz yesterday. One tasted plain with some sense of caffeine, the other one was purrrfect! Definitely pulling over to grab some more later.
5. I took a really relaxing hot shower and it was really, really, relaxing. and hot. and relaxing.
6. I kinda had a day start-up with a news that my bandmate slash middle school friend was married. I kinda had a sudden hatred for social medias that moment. (Oh but I'm so happy for her marriage! She looked pretty in white!)

But on the downside, it got quite boring as the day went on. Everyone was sort of out having their own business. Aaand, my sister and I were just slugging it at home for the day. A was out with his friend too I guess, I dont know, said he went to see Edge of Tomorrow. A is my partner, that's if you're wondering for a brief moment. Not much talking today. Kinda upsetting. No, very upsetting though thought he could keep me company but, what 'cha gonna do with this distance between us both? I was and am definitely not in the mood for slow cheesy songs today.

Just, a couple more days till internship. It starts on Monday, June 9. I was very excited about it but... I sort of lost my boosters and energy along the way. Have I told you I had quite a draining week? Yeah, I've just done with my finals week. Not just finals that I had to deal with but also everything else at once. Just very emotionally draining. If I was a robot I'd probably in a zero-battery state right now. I need a recharge, desperately. I dont know know what or how am I supposed or going to do for that but I the only thing I know is that... I need that shit real bad.

But, I had booked my plane tickets for a flight next week to another town. Just gonna take a couple of days off from office and I'll be visiting some relatives there. I have a mixed feeling about that. The only thing that excites me was the plane trip, and food trip. Okay, that just made it two things.

What else to say? I want to graduate so badly I feel headache? I hate stupid drivers on the road? I'm craving for a new hatchback? I'm craving for an SUV actually? I need more eyeshadow palletes? I need to read some more new good books? I want to cuddle? I feel like dyeing my hair two shades brighter? I need some spa? I need a new keyboard protector in pink or white? I want to drive non-stop without braking on an empty road while screaming? Why am I starting to think about marriage? School? Higher degree? Pursuing master degree? Taxes? Bills? Future investment? Adult responsibilities? Gosh there are just so many things wandering in my head right now but looking at those questions (yes, they are kind of problematic and super random) you can grasp a little of what's happening inside a tiny bit.

My fingers are tired. It's almost 11pm. Not sure if I'd even go to sleep as soon as I end my writing (probably still scrolling down through my tumblr dashboard unintentionally) but an end is an end, soooooo bye!