Major Exhaustion

I've thought about this few days ago.

about life that I'm living now. life's supposed to be something great, unforgettable and fun. well, that is what I thought at first till I realize that life itself is not always going to be like that. this time, hurts, tears and those all thing I hate comes and ruins everything. I knew that something happen for a reason. something happen, I'm alive, I'm breathing and I'm staying here for a reason. tho I dont know what the reason is. it is just blur. so this is what I hate.
no one knows about those secrets of life that Lord has planned. nobody.
and what keeps me holding on now is just my life itself.
I do believe that everything has its ending for whatsoever happen with it. and the major exhaust either has its ending, maybe oneday, in one place, in one fine morning, and in a circle of people who loves me.
I'm just so thankful and feeling blessed that out there, right out there and even around me, there are those who care. who love. who hang around. who talk. who need. and who trusty. those living diamonds keep me from falling even worse. keep me from doing unnecessary banalities. and the faith I have for my Lord keeps me stronger and stronger to face whatever happen with life. including this major exhaust. being deaf is the only way to keep me cool. no, it doesnt mean good at all. cool there means, no expression and no passion. sometimes it works amazingly. it safe me from turning mad or crazy. I just have look after it.
well, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm just, I'm just tired.
I know I'm lying, but I couldnt help with that. I have nothing to do with it.


I feel fine, I'm okay. the thing is, I'm just tired and needing something to sooth myself up